101 things Draco Malfoy wishes He'd never seen
by quik-wit
Summary: And 3 that thrilled him to no end! DMHG


#1 – Crabbe naked (not like that, we've shared a dorm for six years you pervs

Disclaimer: I'm not J.K.Rowling and therefore own little or nothing (sad no?)

--101 things I wish I'd never seen --

#1 – Crabbe naked (not like **that**, we've shared a dorm for six years you pervs!)

#2 – Goyle naked (actually this is almost worse than #1)

#3 – Blaise Zabini full on hammered

#4 – The stuff butterbeer is made of (why do you think I only drink pumpkin juice and

Firewhisky?)

#5 – Merpeople at feeding time (it's a bloody, bloody thing)

#6 – Pansy's G-string (I saw it when I accidentally bumped into her in the hall… I think

Granger was there too)

#7 – My father with short hair (he has extensions now, thank Merlin)

#8 – Aunt Bella and Uncle Rudolfous snogging under the mistletoe (I hate Christmas in

The Manor)

#9 – The third floor broom closet on a Friday night

#10 – Uncle Sev dancing on a table because of an eggnog overdose (Have I mentioned I

Hate Christmas?)

#11 – The "experiments" Professor Sprout's growing in back of greenhouse #5 (can you

say hallucinogens?)

#12 – Granger in a bikini (Not a bad sight at all really but now I can't seem to make it

leave my mind)

#13 – The Weird Sisters without their makeup on

#14 – Mother and Father in… er… compromising positions, brings a whole new

meaning to "I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause" (once again, I HATE CHRISTMAS!)

#15 – The birthmark on my arse (it's heart-shaped, what is less manly than a heart shaped

birthmark on the arse?)

#16 – Uncle Sev's tattoo of a heart with the word "Bernice" in it (I've realized this may

well be less manly than my birthmark, especially because Uncle Severus has never known anyone named Bernice other than his Mum)

#17 – When a Slytherin guy asks if you want to see his "snake" say no: that's all I'm

saying (it was 1st year! Okay, I was 11!)

#18 – The Gryffindor shower room – with Gryffindors in it (a prank gone oh so wrong!)

#19 – Potter beating me at Quidditch

#20 – Millicent Bulstrode and Goyle on a date (oh the horrible, revolting snogging!)

#21 – The "poems" in Valentine's my many admirers send me each February (for the

record my eyes are not blue, they're gray… GRAY)

#22 – the yearly fashion show in Diagon Alley (Pansy made me go with her one year,

snooze-fest… except the lingerie, that was sort of fun)

#23 – The Wonder Weasel (AKA Ronald Weasly) falling all over Granger even though

she's clearly too good for him

#24 – Potter and the Weaslette snogging like mad (though this might fall under the same

number as #9)

#25 – Brown and Wonder Weasel snogging (once again a possible #9)

#26 – The flip book Granger made of the day Moody turned me into a ferret (who knew

she could DRAW too?!)

#27 – My attempt at drawing a Granger/beaver combo creature thing (Drawing: just one

more thing she's better at than me)

#28 – Profesor McGonagall's private quarters (oh the Catnip! The yarn!)

#29 – A baby house elf

#30 – Uncle Severus' Private Rooms (the only home in the world that would make

Liberace step back and say "Whoa, no one is that gay")

#31 – Blaise attempting to audition for "So you think You Can Dance" (So I'm Sure He

Can't Dance… like at all… ever)

#32 – Pansy trying to "seductively purr", her words not mine (it sounds more like she's

got phlegm stuck in her throat)

#33- That time when Blaise's dress robes "mysteriously" (coughPotter&Wealsycough)

blew up Marilyn Monroe style (Poor idiot ran out of clean pants that day too and

had to go commando)

#34 – Potter, in nothing but his boxers wandering around the corridors at night, I don't

know why he was doing this to this day(I was so shocked I forgot to give him

detention)

#35 – The Gryffindors at the nude Quidditch match (I never should have challenged

Potter to that, I'm scarred for life really)

#36 – Two humongous Hufflepuffs, I think they might have been girls but the jury's still

out, grinding into each other (the third years nearest to the incident may never

recover)

#37 – My "Stranger than Granger" poster painted over with grey muggle paint (honestly I

was just about to replace it with a Lovegood poster, I swear)

#38 – The way my "Loonier than Lovegood?" contest never took off (She won the

Stranger than Granger" Contest mentioned in #37)

#39 – Hippogriffs (I hate them more then I hate Christmas)

#40 - The Great Oaf Hagrid (pretty much ever)

#41 – Blast Ended Skrewts

#42 – Mother's old owl Barnibus, as a child I was attacked by it (I had a house elf drown

the thing when I was eight, Mother still thinks it ran away)

#43 – The first time Granger tried to ride a broom (it was sad… and funny)

#44 – A Gryffindor (Finnegan, I think its name was) picking his disgusting nose with his

grimy fingers and sticking said fingers in his mouth to delight in what he had discovered

#45 – Mother without her makeup on

#46 – Pansy without her makeup on

#47 – A giant three headed dog (I have since learned it was there to guard the Sorcerer's

Stone, at the time I was simply frightened to the point of wetting myself)

#48 – The Dark Lord (even more terrifying in person)

#49 – My own reflection before my morning shower (Awful bed-head)

#50 – A muggle Geometry book (Seriously, what in Merlin's name are those freakish

symbols?!)

#51 – Goyle lip syncing "Uptown Girl" while dancing in his underwear

#52 – Crabbe as the audience for said "show" clapping his hands delightedly

#53 – My Slytherins under the influence of several cheering charms (darn that Granger,

darn her I say!)

#54 – The Gryffindors under the influence of several cheering charms (revenge gone

awry)

#55 – The Ravenclaws (and Granger) after Madame Pince announced she was taking alittle time off and the library would be closed

#56 – Death Eater version of Christmas Crackers (torture devices come out, along with a

blood curdling screams of agony)

#57 – The Slytherin Commons that week Granger convinced the elves to go on strike

#58 – The potions classroom that same week

#59 – Dumbledore's cooking (which I only saw because Granger convinced the elves to

go on strike…Darn her!)

#60 – Granger with hugely long beaver teeth (they sort of suited her)

#61 – Potter wearing a Slytherin tie(that bloke does the oddest things)

#62 – Millicent and a bunch of other not so hot girls sunbathing (in bikinis!), it was awful

#63 – Dobby's drawing of me when I was younger

#64 – Any children's drawings at all. I never know what to say, three green finger

smudges on construction paper and suddenly it's a masterpiece?

#65 – My grandmum Malfoy's bum (it's a long sad story)

#66 – My father in nothing put his undies (which he sleeps in… just them)

#67 – Crabbe and Goyle playing wizard's chess (I swear they look constipated)

#68 – Zabini's stupid gloating face when he beats me at wizard's chess (rare as it is)

#69 – Ron Weasly bald (prank gone wrong)

#70 – Granger bald (prank gone right, her head looks way to small for her body without

all that hair)

#71 – Me with my make-up done glam (darn Pansy and her persuasiveness)

#72 – Zabini in a mini-skirt (one again darn Pansy and her persuasiveness)

#73 – Granger at the Yule Ball (I've not been able to hate her quite the same since then)

#74 – Dumbledore + McGonagall – any space between them EW!

#75 – Snape and Sprout out on a stroll in the moonlight (I thought the grease shine from

his hair would blind me)

#76 – Harry Potter

#77 – Fenrir Greyback

#78 – Voldemort at sixteen, he looked like me except with dark hair and eyes (it freaked

me out)

#79 – Hermione Granger with stacks of books surrounding her while she sat at my table

in the library(darn her)

#80 – The note said Granger sent me asking me to share the table with her

#81 – Parkinson and Zabini "studying" (shutter)

#82 – The Weird Sisters

#83 – that stripper at aunt Bella's welcome home party (it was guy… eww)

#84 – now that I'm thinking of it, Aunt Bella

#85 – the entrance to the Gryffindor rooms (I can't stop going back to try and guess the

password!)

#86 – the Hog's Head, gross little place that it is

#87 – Crabbe drunk (he dances on tables)

#88 – Goyle drunk (he sings showtunes)

#89 – Granger smirking (darn her, that smirk is right hot)

#90 – Granger sitting across from me at my Library table

#91 – Granger kissing a Weasly (one of the twins Fred or George)

#92 – Pansy crying (it wasn't my fault! Well not really…)

#93 – a muggle poster (they're so still, it's creepy)

#94 – my face in the mirror as realized I might like Granger… Hermione as a person

#95 – Uncle Rudolfus in a dress (Death Eaters are weird)

#96 – Trelawney teaching sex education

#97 – the books she used to teach said awful subject (put me off girls for a whole month)

#98 – My face in the mirror when I figured _it_ out

#99 – My closet (I have an obscene amount of green and black, but Granger likes

charcoal grey, something about making my eyes look good)

#100 – Granger smiling innocently right before I told her _it _(made the whole thing much

more difficult)

#101 – A room completely still right after I speak making me feel like a moron (I guess

that's more of an "I wish I'd never heard"… I should make a list of those too!)

--And the 3 things I was the most thrilled to see --

#1 – the fall of Voldemort

#2 – the shock in Hermione's eyes as I told her _it_

#3- Hermione Granger telling me that she loves me too

A/N: hi ya'll. I wrote this for a new forum I'm playing on and so it's been exclusive to that site for a bit now but I hope you all liked it. As always tell me if there are ways I could improve it or if you want a sequel… my friend fanfictionator is working on a companion piece from Hermione's POV, but I don't how fast it's coming for her so I don't know when/if it'll be up. Thanks for reading, please review. – As always -- Quik


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